Trailer Trash

'You spend your whole life, looking for the adult you are. And you spend the rest of your life, looking for the child that you were.'

Starting a blog is odd, but I can definitely see how this could be pretty therapeutic. I have no clue why, maybe it was the rainy weekend, but somehow I started thinking about the contrast of my life. Not that I am old by any means now, but seeing my life change the way it has is really weird. I remember being young, sitting on my grandparents front porch in the summers and thinking to myself, "this is all I ever want". I didn't have a care in the world. All I knew was I was so happy and comfortable. Maybe safe, is the best word to describe the feeling. I had belief and faith. Then as I got older, things changed, people changed, people were lost and that safe feeling escaped me.

The more family members I lost, the more I tried to cling on to the ones I did have around me. Then I found family in friends and I was able to recreate that safe feeling to an extent. I was blessed to have people around me that welcomed me with open arms and never made me feel out of place. Even if I was socially inept, I was never made to feel that way. But, as time goes to show as I got older, things changed, friends began to go their separate ways. Which is only natural, but once again that safe feeling began to fade away.

As I got older and became a little longer in the tooth. The safe feeling was almost non-existent. I was out of town for work a majority of the time. I was new in my profession, so I didn't ask questions. I was told to go to Tallahassee, Clearwater, Miami, etc... and I did it. I had no other obligations, I just did as I was told. I had no emotional attachments or obligations, so I just went. Ironically enough the one time I did put my foot down on not wanting to go to Saint Louis, could have almost been the biggest mistake of my life. In the middle of my workaholic binge, my home was waiting for me all along in Saint Louis. I just had to go find it.

So, after packing up and heading to Saint Louis. I get to town late. I immediately hated everything about the place. I thought the people were rude. No one could drive. The pizza was awful. And my hotel sucked! Then to top it all off. The office I worked in, completed separated my company from their company that hired us. We may has well have been sequestered.

In the midst of all this misery, I was able to make some good friends. This definitely helped my transition to StL, but I think the biggest change of heart towards Saint Louis, was when I first saw the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Still trying to make friends and be funny, I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Well, there goes my future ex wife." He laughed, rolled his eyes and carried on with his work. But, from that moment on my main goal was to get to know this foxy lady, lol.

At a happy hour after work one night, I was finally able to break the ice and at least talk to her somewhat. I vividly remember the 'A' game that I put out there. It went something like this. "Hey, you wanna see me turn this straw into a beer bong?" Awesome. I know. And from that moment on, we became friends.

I remember being exhausted tired from working insane hours, but if people were going out that night and they said she was going to be there. I would drink as many red bulls as I could get my hands on and then hang out, just to be near this person. We would talk and laugh, and that would be it. We were actually becoming great friends.

Around New Years Eve, one of my best friends was getting married. So I left Saint Louis. I was gone for approximately 10 days, with no contact from the foxy lady, due to the fact that I was out of the country for the wedding. But, upon my return to StL I found out that the foxy lady/future ex wife, recently became single. And after extensive weeks of wooing, I was able to make the foxy lady....My foxy lady.

A lot of time has passed since she was deemed My foxy lady, but one thing that I have noticed is every day that I am with her. She makes me feel safe. We had our first baby Quinn, last October and my wife is what makes our house a Home. She makes our family work and she is the strongest woman I have ever seen. I love everything about her. I love the mother that she is to our daughter. I love the wife and best friend that she is to me. It's really strange that I found my home in a place that I didn't want to find it at all. But, now I would have it any other way. I will be celebrating my 2 year wedding anniversary this week and it has been amazing. She has made me love Saint Louis, but I am pretty sure I would love being any place as long as she is there with me. So in regards to my opening statement. I have spent my life trying to find the adult that I am, but I'll spend the rest of my life being the man that I should be for my family.